Alexander’s Story (Moscow)

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Probably I had a disorder in childhood.  I was very afraid of nuclear war and always ran for my mother.  I was impressionable all my life.  Some disorder was in high school mathematics.  I got to the hospital in my first year in the institute because of missed classes.  I was given a very easy diagnosis – asthenic condition.  But after the hospital, I felt worse than ever.  There was a change of consciousness and I did not control myself.  With the help of a doctor from the hospital and with prescribed pills, I made it through this period.  Thus my episodical dive into altered consciousness started, when I lived my fantasies but in real life.

There were failures at the institute, but I still graduated from it.  After graduation, I took a job.  Here in 1985, there was a deep failure, when I almost committed suicide and got to a suburban hospital, where my mother took me with great difficulty.  Mother’s value is great.  Then I was in the hospital for four months.  Due to the hospitalization, I was considered seriously ill and, after I was married, I received a social apartment, where my wife and daughter live now.  I have two children.  I never lost heart, and, although I did not like the hospitals, I still got out of them more healthy.  With my wife, I suffered several attacks without hospitalization.

At the beginning of the new century, I have lost both parents.  Relationships with my wife became bad and, moreover, I was fired.  For six years, I went to the hospital every year, sometimes twice a year, and lay there for two and a half months.  Once I got sick at our dacha (vacation home) and went to the hospital near Moscow.  Another time, I went into Vyasma and remained there, in the Smolensk region.  I was hungry in that place, and chlorpromazine was given to me on an empty stomach at night.  The last serious incident occurred with a large dose of azaleptine (sleeping pills), but I was saved, then got to a clinic.

After almost twenty years, I began to attend a prayer group at the church.  There I was advised to go to a specialist, and they gave me his phone number.  I started taking new pills, regularly, whereas earlier I stopped taking them every time.  For five years, I didn’t have to go to the hospital.  Only one time, I was there less than a month, when I got new temporary work.  I felt bad, but I was standing.  I was fired again, and I had a serious depression, but I managed without hospitalization.  Already nearly a year ago, I went to the first SA group in Russia.  I have a schizophrenia, I thought.  The group helped me to withstand, but I have to fight with my laziness, apathy, and sometimes depression, all the time.  I spend the summer in the countryside.  I hope that I will not get sick in the future because of the SA group.

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