Probably I had a disorder in childhood. I was very afraid of nuclear war and always ran for my mother. I was impressionable all my life. Some disorder was in high school mathematics. I got to the hospital in my first year in the institute because of missed classes. I was given a very easy diagnosis – asthenic condition. But after the hospital, I felt worse than ever. There was a change of consciousness and I did not control myself. With the help of a doctor from the hospital and with prescribed pills, I made it through this period. Thus my episodical dive into altered consciousness started, when I lived my fantasies but in real life.
There were failures at the institute, but I still graduated from it. After graduation, I took a job. Here in 1985, there was a deep failure, when I almost committed suicide and got to a suburban hospital, where my mother took me with great difficulty. Mother’s value is great. Then I was in the hospital for four months. Due to the hospitalization, I was considered seriously ill and, after I was married, I received a social apartment, where my wife and daughter live now. I have two children. I never lost heart, and, although I did not like the hospitals, I still got out of them more healthy. With my wife, I suffered several attacks without hospitalization.
At the beginning of the new century, I have lost both parents. Relationships with my wife became bad and, moreover, I was fired. For six years, I went to the hospital every year, sometimes twice a year, and lay there for two and a half months. Once I got sick at our dacha (vacation home) and went to the hospital near Moscow. Another time, I went into Vyasma and remained there, in the Smolensk region. I was hungry in that place, and chlorpromazine was given to me on an empty stomach at night. The last serious incident occurred with a large dose of azaleptine (sleeping pills), but I was saved, then got to a clinic.
After almost twenty years, I began to attend a prayer group at the church. There I was advised to go to a specialist, and they gave me his phone number. I started taking new pills, regularly, whereas earlier I stopped taking them every time. For five years, I didn’t have to go to the hospital. Only one time, I was there less than a month, when I got new temporary work. I felt bad, but I was standing. I was fired again, and I had a serious depression, but I managed without hospitalization. Already nearly a year ago, I went to the first SA group in Russia. I have a schizophrenia, I thought. The group helped me to withstand, but I have to fight with my laziness, apathy, and sometimes depression, all the time. I spend the summer in the countryside. I hope that I will not get sick in the future because of the SA group.